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Tuesday
Feb012011

What's Sex Got To Do With Organizing? Part I

We all want to have great sex, and most of us want to be organized. The good news is, being organized can help our sex, and great sex can help us be better organized!

It's simple. One of the crucial elements to great sex AND organizing is-

Focus:

In today's modern world, especially in NYC, focusing is a challenge. NYers see an estimated 10,000 ads PER DAY. Try to set up an appointment to have a simple coffee with a colleague or even a friend. The most common word I see and hear among New Yorkers is "BUSY." We are busy with appointments, working, traveling...let alone all the stimulation we receive while outside. Ideally, our homes would be safe havens where we take care of our bodily needs, such as eating, sleeping, etc., and have lots of great sex! However, something stands in the way of many couples.

Picture this: you and your dream man or woman are sitting somewhere. There's some good music playing, and other people are there, enjoying themselves. You look each other in the eye and smile. No one talks. You take turns looking admiringly at each other's clothed bodies, still without talking. Can you feel the focus? HOT!

I've personally worked with about 20 couples over the years, many of whom report the same frustrations and even anger about their partner's organizing....and much more.

"She's never available."

"Everything I do is wrong."

"All he wants to do is work."

"I don't know where any of this stuff goes."

"I'd gladly get rid of everything just to have my wife back."

"He doesn't understand how important this is to me."

"I don't see what the big deal is."

"She freaks out over the tiniest thing."

"He sleeps on the couch."

And on and on! What happens?

Allison Armstrong, creator of Pax Programs, talks about the different awarenesses of men and women. Men, the hunters, have single focus awareness, while women, the gatherers, have diffuse awareness. That is, men focus on one thing at a time, and women tend to (try to) focus on multiple things at any one time, and are easily distracted. In a hilarious Allison Armstrong workshop video, Allison explains that women tend to (try to) multi-task even during sex. Now, it's not to say that organizing will alter this natural inclination, but it can help calm it.

Many of my clients are doing their best to treat adult ADD, so they are more aware of the causes of their scatteredness, confusion, losing things, forgetting things, and inability to make decisions. The truth is, though, most people just can't focus. Let alone the buzzing and ringing of phones and other electronic devices, we tend to have lots of things buzzing through our minds.

When women are able to silence their enormous pulsating amygdala, the "worry center" of the brain, it is another world indeed. In a previous post, Women and Organizing: The Great Depression, I talked about estrogen increasing stress response. Women, with our diffuse awareness, are aware of every sock on the floor, whether or not it is ours, and we are stressed and upset. In many cases, it is particularly the socks on the floor which are NOT ours which upset women most, and can interfere with our desire/willingness to have sex. This is not only OCD people. There are innumerable things which whittle away at sex drives, and yes, socks on the floor is one of them.

In three hour sessions with couples clients, I've seen them go from sitting rigidly and angrily and far apart, ready to attack (particularly the women) to holding hands, stroking thighs, smiling, and kissing. Why? We've removed all the hindrances which draw their focus away from each other, and they can breathe and appreciate their spouses. I usually leave with the prescription, "You've worked this hard, now USE your "new" bedroom!"

Both men and women need attention, respect, and to feel loved. We also all need to cut down on our stimuli which distract us from our goals and peace of mind. When we are able to focus, we are able to be aroused. Nothing is a greater orgasm-killer than distraction.

Homework: take everything away from your bed and put it somewhere else. Nightstands, floor, and under the bed are clear, and the bed is made with clean sheets. Are you more in the mood?

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  • Response
    Response: sohbet
    Leah Fisch is a Professional Organizer in NYC. Change doesn't take as long as you think. Contact Leah now for a free 15 minute phone consultation: 646.430.9150

Reader Comments (1)

Just getting back to your blog finally b/c I'm oh so very "busy busy busy" blech. . .. This is great stuff -- though I admit I am laughing to myself in that junior high way (but also b/c it is funny -- socks on floor, etc., while totally true)

February 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

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