Day 2

0:04
Welcome, every buddy, welcome. Welcome to New Year’s resolution, take two resolutions that get results. Um, quick question, when I put the chat over here, can you still see the screen if you can give me? I don’t know if it’s invisible because I know they’ve made some updates. Can you still see the whole screen? Or is the chat blocking the image? If anyone can let me know in the chat? You can see the whole screen. Thank you, Tina. Okay. Perfection. All right. Well, welcome. Welcome to New Year’s resolution, take two I’m so excited to be here with you. This is one of my staple programs. And know that you could just replace the word resolution at any point with the word goal, really, we’re talking about goals, resolutions, and they’re both words that people really don’t like to use. And we’ll talk more about that as we go. But before we get into it, I would love to hear in the chat. I know we only have about a third of our class here with us so far. But where in the world are you? Where are you joining us from? Meet, you might want to be specific to the town because I’ve literally had people meet and become friends. Because they found out they were right near each other. Edina is in New York City. Right on right on New York City represent Orlando, Florida. Hey, Tina, London, UK Kinderhook, New York. Awesome, awesome. And if you’re joining us, feel free to pop in the chat where you’re joining us from. All right. So we have this week together. But we are meeting for three days out of this week. And there is an exciting bonus that I’ll be sharing with you at the end of this class. But day one, today, we’re going to be talking about why most resolutions do not work. And we’re going to really get into the psychology and a lot of different examples of what people do wrong. Day two. In two days from now, we’re going to be talking about how to create one that does now I’ve restructured this class, if you’ve seen my posts on Facebook, I’ve totally redone this class because I’ve had people had incredible results in it. And I want to see if we can do it even more potently. So we’re going to really, really be strategic here and getting a deep understanding of why it doesn’t work, then we’re going to see what happens to you. Now we’re going to come back and we’re going to talk about how to create one that does also based in science and experience. But also, you haven’t had the time to noodle on all the ways that it doesn’t work and see what that creates in view of how to create one that actually does remember, like I said, resolution, goal, intention, whatever you want to call it. And then day three with that deep understanding that comprehensive understanding of what doesn’t work, and comprehensive understanding of what does, we’re going to talk about the identity or how to seal it in and how to really become transform, you know, elevate yourself into the person who is someone who creates one that does and who doesn’t slip and fall into doing things that we already know, frankly, do not work. And if you’re just joining us just because it’s so fun, and I love it share in the chat where you’re joining us from. So, a little bit about me most of you know but some of you don’t. I became an entrepreneur at four years old with my very first GM business. I had been iterating my business going on 22 years, which is so amazing. I began as a professional organizer in January of 2002. And it’s all gone from there. So I am a Capricorn, I’m a DI on the disc scale, if you’re familiar with that we have a disc expert in our midst. And if you’re into human design, I’m a managing one, three, which probably explains all of the iterating, the three, line iterating, all that I’ve done over the audit, I’ve iterated over these past 22 years. And the one line of really looking into the researcher of looking into why, why, why, why, why, and what else can I find. And then the last couple of years have been my highest grossing years. And I share that for the entrepreneurs in the group. Because know that, you know, I love those flash in the pan, or the overnight success stories. But, you know, it took me a very long time, 18 years to really hit to hit a quarter of a million in gross, and it’s been up from there. But I just share that if your goal, your resolution, your intention is to grow your business, I have never been very fast at things, but I stick with them. And that’s a lot of what I can share with you. I’ve also gotten faster at iterating. And as I have a much deeper, wider breadth of knowledge of entrepreneurship, and behavior and habits and all the things I’m able to, you know, really enjoy being in my stride and continue to iterate and grow faster. But I just share that with you. If you feel like you haven’t gotten to where you want to go. I got there, and I’m continuing to get there. Look, at least one three also love it. And I continue to iterate and keep going. But I hope the same for you that you continue to iterate and keep going whatever your numbers and letters are. And a little bit of background, because I’ll be sharing this as well as we go. Joumor is a productivity philosophy that I created or depending on how you perceive things that sort of was downloaded into me. Joumor stands for joy plus humor. And this is the joy and humor on the other side of all the things that we have avoided that we’ve been scared of that we never thought we would be the one to dot, dot dot, when we actually take those things on for ourselves, like we’re talking about in the identity, understanding what doesn’t work, determining what does and taking that on becoming that person who is totally committed to creating that for yourself. There is a joy and humor on the other side, whether it’s paying taxes that, you know, seemed like an unbearable, you know, mess that you finally finally finally untangled and handled, or whether it’s launching that program, putting on that, you know, putting out that shingle as a blank, finally finally doing it and doing it and seeing like, oh my gosh, I did it, I did it, I did it. So what I think is really fun is to roll this concept into your whatever you want to call it your New Year’s resolution, your goal, something that will give you that will imbues you with that sense of like, oh my gosh, I freaking did it. Because the more that we can infuse ourselves with joy and humor, from Accomplishment from having had courage from doing the thing, the more it fuels us with the ability to do more of that and who doesn’t want a life filled with more joy and humor. So throughout this program, I will also be sharing some Joumor principles Joumor The philosophy is it. The overarching concept is we get the clarity then we take action. And we have the discipline to the clarity, we keep coming back to that clarity. And it’s a collection of relatively pithy principles that are easy to digest and to come back to. So the Joumor story is one that I share in other classes. But basically by taking all of these actions by doing all the things that felt like, for whatever reason, I had not been able to do them. It was when I did that when I really really said I’m going to wrap everything up in 2015 that I opened myself to a new identity and that identity was the person who was able to receive my foreign partner and my two children, my family and everything, including the business growth that has come sent.

9:55
So why is this called tape to why New Year’s resolution take two You? Well, we’re talking about both resolutions and results here we’re talking about how do we get really good results as a Capricorn as a mostly D on the disk scale? Yes. I am obsessed with results. I love results. So I will turn my camera on if people want to see me Hold on one second. I’ll have to redo a thing. Hold on one second.

10:39
Alright, I think I will be pinned here. All right. Oops. All right. So all right. All right. So why are why are we talking about resolutions and results, we’re talking about them because people set them all the time and they don’t work. But the good news is, is that you can, you can make a different choice any day. And the longer that you haven’t done the thing, the more difficult it can feel to be like, Alright, I’m gonna flip and do that thing, the more it kind of builds up this resistance, I could add in resistance, resolutions, resistance, results, resistance, right? We want to have results, we want to have resolutions and goals that come to fruition. But we, the longer that we don’t do the thing, the more resistance that builds up, the more impossible, it feels more that we want to turn away from it. But because there’s so much available on the other side, knowing that we can, you know what today could be the day that I do a little thing, or today could be the day that I roll up my sleeves, and I do a big thing. There’s so much opportunity in this life when we have the courage to actually go for it. And so understanding what works and what doesn’t, and who you need to be that maybe you haven’t yet fully been very possibly, because that’s actually what you really want. The resistance has been so big, but it’s actually what you really want and what you really believe about yourself. Oh, my gosh, this is where everything else is. And like I said, the good news is you can make a different decision any day of the week, including today. So let’s make that decision together. Pop a yes, in the chat bar. Are you in to create a resolution and whether it takes you a week? Or a month or a year or a lifetime? Are you in to choose something that you’re willing to take on that you’ve never yet taken on? Awesome? Yes, yes. Yes. Yep. Thumbs up? Yes. Awesome. Fantastic. All right. So self care is on the rise like never before. Right? You hear about self care? Everywhere, Jay, awesome. You hear about self care us? everywhere, everywhere you go, right? It’s, you need to have more self care, you need to, you know, this is not actually self care. Think about self care when you blah, blah, blah, right? It’s just everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. And since I’ve taught this class for the last years, it feels like it’s just mounting. Because self care is on the rise like never before. But so are things like anxiety, and debt, and all the other things that are challenging war, let maybe not like never before. But there’s all these other things that contribute to people turning to things like self care. But when we think about it in a personal empowered experience, there’s a little more to the story. And that’s exactly what we’re here to do is we are here to slough off all of the things that have been put upon us so that we don’t need as much self care, to counteract all of the things that have been put upon us that we’re constantly trying to get out from under we’re here to like this hilarious, disgusting image of this dog shaking off all of the slobber. We’re here to shake it off, and to focus on what works for us. So we don’t have to constantly be soothing ourselves to get over all of the things that haven’t, you know, landed well for us. We’re here to do it a completely different way. And the way that we do that is the magical through the practical everything that I teach. I fully believe in magical things and my clients have fully over the years are seeing absolutely magical, magnificent results. And it’s through doing the practical things. I talk about this a lot in other programs, but there’s a lot in the personal development world about be do have it to your being. It’s then what you’re doing, and it’s them what you have. But here in the world of SEO rise and Joumor, we’re talking about do be have, we’re talking about what are the actions that you are in are not taking to determine what kind of person that you will be, obviously, they’re mixed together. But you know, and that determining what you will have. And so the way that this class is structured is identifying, like I said, knowing what works, knowing what doesn’t work, determining what you’re going to do, and then deciding based on that, who is it that I need to be? That’s exactly what we’re here to kind of flip the switch on, for so much. Because for me, when someone tells me to be a certain way, and they shame me for thinking about the how, don’t talk about the how it’s, you know, well, for me, I’ve shared my needs, right as a Capricorn as a DM all about the results. And when I can understand what nourishes me by being able to achieve the results by iterating, and saying, Okay, that didn’t work, not going to take it personally, rather than getting confused of who I am and what I’m worth, and all that kind of thing. That’s how I get to tap into absolutely magical things. That’s how I get to tap into skyrocketing my business, opening a charity with my husband, and all the magic that comes with being the person to me who did the things that work that allowed me to get to those places, and so much what I work on with my clients in terms of mindset is solved. Okay, it is solved. By handling the practical, I promise you, there is joy and humor and magic waiting on the other side of taking action. I promise you that. So, welcome to day one. And we’re here to talk about it. Why do 92% of resolutions fail? So they’ve done studies after studies after studies, and by January 19 92% of people have given up on their resolutions. So just take a moment in the chat if you want to share. What do you think contributes? Why do you think that is? Why do you think 92% of resolutions fail? This is a real question. It’s not like guessed the answer. This is a real question. Overwhelmed

18:01
overwhelm. Any other feeling of not enough time? Love it. Willpower burns out. Lack of planning too big a resolution? Resistance? Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. underlying fear? Yes, totally. And believe it or not, we’re going to be talking about all of the things that you just mentioned in this program. So what do we do about feeling? Not enough time? What do we do about feeling overwhelmed when your willpower burns out? How do we do things in a different way? How do you choose a resolution? That’s not too big? We talked about the resistance, how do you take action and have a mindset so resistance doesn’t block you in drowning? Now, the requirements for success in any project are patience, persistence, and problem solving. And these are the three things that most people don’t have. Most people absolutely don’t have patience. Most people find it very difficult to follow through with things. And when it comes to problem solving, people often don’t have their sort of neutral assessing caps on and often other other conclusions are reached then what would actually solve the problem? So and D to remember this patience, persistence, problem solving, because you’re going to want to come back to that for your resolution when you choose what it is that you want to be focusing on. Remember? patience, persistence, probably I’m solving if you’re not ready to take these three P’s on, forget it. Just forget it. Let’s not even have goals. All right? So put it three P in the chat. If you’re ready patience, persistence problem solving. One of them may be hard for you or two, maybe hard or three may be hard. Actually, let’s do it this way, which is a little more fun of these three P’s, which do you find to be the most challenging for you? For me, it’s patients. I can answer unequivocally. It’s patience, persistence and problem solving. I got those. Let’s see. We’ve got patience. Persistence, patience, persistence, persistence. All right. Awesome. So I noticed no one put problem solving, but problem solving, guess what can only happen when you have the patience and persistence. So really, all of us in a way, it’s problem solving, because our problem is already patience and persistence. So put a three P in the chat if you’re willing to take this on, guess what? This is your first resolution, three P in the chat, patience, persistence, problem solving. And I want you to grab a piece of paper. If you have a post, sit and write these three down, because this has nothing to do with you your work. I love the three P’s rolling in Hey, and Lord, welcome. Right, these three down, patience, persistence, problem solving. It’s not about you, but you will need to be the person who has patience, persistence, and problem solving. If you want to create success, this is absolutely mandatory in anything. If you’re a parent, you know, it’s huge. If you’re a project manager, you know, this is everything. If you’re a boss, if you’re an employee, basically, if you are a human patience, persistence, and problem solving, and it’s the people who have this, I I’m terrible with patients, but I work on it, I try to breathe. And that’s why I’m here. 22 years later, since I started not counting the gum business at four, but since I officially be became an entrepreneur 22 years ago, because I’ve stuck with it. And if you’re a person who can stick with it, all of those flash in the pan. People that might make you feel like why me? Oh, they doesn’t matter. Pleasure. A good one. Yeah, that’s one that that most people are not very good at either. And Lauren, good one. So yeah, that’s a good point. Maybe I’ll add that in. And, um, what was I saying? Hold on. Human 22. So there’s a lot of people who come in they have that like, bam, bam, motivation, yeah, data, but they don’t have the persistence, they don’t have the problem solving. Ultimately, they don’t have the patience. Because when there’s no instant gratification, they’re not able to stick with it. So these seem like just three words, or four if you count and Lourdes pleasure there. But, but who this means you are is actually magnificent. It’s actually Zen and stoic, and all of the things that people dream of being, you know, in that elevated level, if you can be that person, and you can start today to have a little more patience, whether it’s with your partner, your family member, yourself, the situation, the world, whatever the thing is, that makes you really lose it. And you can just keep going Joumor principle, just keep going, just keep going. Just keep going. You’re going to have that creativity, open up for yourself, of how to solve this, you may not be able to solve the world’s issues. But for you yourself in that moment, you’ll start to have ideas of how to solve and we want to really roll in Extra Extra Extra doses of patient patience and persistence before we get to actually problem solving actually taking action actually doing things a little bit differently. Now, the number one huge fail of most projects 85 This is another one where they’ve done studies for over 70 years 85% and projects are over Time and over budget due to lack of another P. What?

25:14
Planning and revising planning guests preparation. Yes. Number one is preparation. That is preparation planning. Exactly. Yes. I love that there’s an accent on your clip off out soon. All right, excellent. So preparation, right preparation, doing it before you even begin. And course correcting otherwise known as re planning, right planning, and replanting, or preparing, and replanting, so course correcting along the way. You don’t set a boat to get somewhere, you have the goal of where you’re going to. But why is the captain or someone else? Constantly course correcting because there’s external environments that challenge your direction, nothing really is linear or even really that close to linear. But you can get there in a linear ish fashion or even in magical ish fashion by constantly course correcting and I don’t mean course correcting by iterating I mean little tweaks that keep you on track. Okay. And this is another huge mistake that people make is they scrap and redo and never even have the time to problem solve. So the person you need to be who actually is problem solving, you have that patience, you let the thing play out. And then you decide but most people aren’t doing that are like well, didn’t work. Forget it. Preparation, replanting, planning and replanting, but giving it enough duration to have adequate data to see what you actually need to do to stay on track. Now, everything, everything has an outcome. Everything has an outcome whether you articulate or not. Whether you say I’m going to brush my teeth and make them shiny and clean and remove the bacteria so that I smell fresh and look shiny, pearly, or you just go like that there is a goal. And there is an outcome. Martin Heidegger, the German philosopher talked about the same, right? This is the idea that there’s an intrinsic goal to everything. When the acorn becomes an oak tree, there is a goal intrinsically in the acorn. But most people don’t even articulate their goals. All the reasons they don’t have the skills to articulate a goal. They’ve set goals in the past, they don’t. They haven’t worked. You know how many people have said to me over the years when I’ve run this class are like, Oh, I don’t do resolutions. Okay, so you don’t set goals. Most people don’t want to try things because they’re scared that they won’t work based on whatever didn’t work the last time. But I can almost guarantee you that whatever didn’t work the last time had a lot to do with lack of preparation, patience, perseverance, problem solving, and had a lot more to do with instant gratification, lack of planning, lack of replanting, lack of asking for help. There’s all all the things that actually played into why it didn’t work rather than actually doing it well. So when you don’t even articulate a goal because you’re scared that you’ll fail. Of course, it’s not going to work. But if you believe that there’s an intrinsic outcome, waiting. It’s actually exciting to get on the train to articulate but and that’s what we’re talking about here. You want to articulate in a way that’s actually going to get you somewhere. Now, the Zeigarnik Effect is something that I talk a lot about in productivity lab and my signature program for CEO rise. The Zeigarnik effect was discovered by Bluma Zeigarnik In the early 1960s, mid 20th century, when she observed waiters, she was a psychologist and sociologist. And she observed that waiters could recall the exact to the penny amount of the bill. And until the bill was paid. So once the bill was paid, you know, that guy was 1742, that guy 2971. And on and on, once the bill was paid, it went out of the person’s head. And doing studies about this, they found that unfinished tasks take up a lot more space in the brain 30 to 300% more in the brain, I still remember things that someone said they were gonna do, like 20 years ago, and never did I still remember it. I’m like, cut it out of my brain. It’s never gonna happen. But I still remember. Do you have? Can you think of anything that you or someone said you were going to do? That you did not do however long ago, and it’s still in your brain? Have you ever had that experience?

31:19
Right. So another way you set yourself up, to not succeed? Yes, and wondering if I should still go for it and do it. Right. And it’s, it takes up so much space and energy and emotions, in many cases. So a huge huge mistake that people make is they don’t close the loops, whether it’s a loop of unfinished problems with your taxes, I use that example a lot, because it’s something I’ve helped a lot of clients and myself with over the years, Tina, and my kids tell me all the time, what I’ve done decades later, people remember, and it takes up space. So the Zeigarnik effect, this concept of leaving things open, takes up a massive amount of space. And arguably, energy, arguably magic, it takes up it eats up the possibility for magic. When I close all of those loops in 2015, I was actually deep, emotionally in in as dark, as dark as one could be. And I closed loop after loop after loop after loop. And a few months later, met the dream that I was crying that I didn’t have. So it literally changes you it changes if you know about the butterfly effect. Everything is connected. And especially in your brain, especially if you want to tap into creative problem solving. But you have 1800 tabs open literally or metaphorically or both in your brain. Very hard to tap into problem solving, oh, I’m good at problem solving. Are you good at it while you have 1800 tabs open literally and metaphorically, you’re not guaranteed you can’t. Your brain is an overload, let alone your emotions. So huge mistake that people do. Over and over and over. I realized I just made a Spanish error that people make, excuse me, is the Zeigarnik effect of not closing those loops. So you want to make a resolution but you have 1800 tabs open, good chance you’re not going to succeed. Now whether or not you believe in Dharma, similar to decine, of Martin Heidegger. Most goals and resolutions are just random things. Even if they seem like you have a good reason for them. They’re not really connected. Simon Sinek famous, famous concept start with why now in some cases, our Why is to get out of the discomfort that we’re currently in. But most goals and resolutions that actually succeed and actually succeed, often people talk about better than I could have ever imagined. Why because they’re connected deeply to that why they’re connected to an actual deep reason whether it’s spiritual or not. of why. So if you can’t really feel it, if you don’t really have a desire for it, how many people say I want to make a million dollars? Or what are they doing to make a million is their behavior someone who reflects someone who can handle making a million people say I want to win the lottery, and they do and then whatever that crazy number is 95% go into debt right after earning You know, winning $85 million, there’s no y connected to it. Or maybe there is, but it’s not laid out why is actually an infrastructure in itself? Why gives you places and ways to do things? Why helps you prioritize, and especially for Neuro diverse humans whom I specialize in serving. Prioritizing and thinking well into the future is very, very challenging in many cases. But if you have a why you don’t need so many of those details? The why kind of answers a lot of the how. So if you don’t have a wi, I’m not saying you need to know all the details. But if I say to you, what would you do? Let’s take a let’s take a quick poll. What is something that you would love to have happen? In sending a resolution like it means that you blank, it means that your business doubles? It means that you travel? Blank, it means that you move it? What what what would you love to see happen? In a resolution that you maybe haven’t set, specifically, but is on your mind, probably not just today, what’s something that you would love to see happen? I would love to reach seven figures. Hashtag Capricorn. I would love to reach seven figures in a one month, a one year period. That’s something I would love. And there’s many Y’s that I can list out for you. As a result, know the goal itself. What’s a goal that you’re considering? That you would love to have happen? So what’s a resolution? Or a goal that you have? pass an exam I’m taking great. And what is the why? of passing the exam? It’s not that Irene is living to take exams, I guarantee you unless that’s a side hustle, but I don’t think so. Right. So you want to pass an exam, Irene? And why do you want to pass the exam? Fran, it means my business is well set up to support me and becoming a new mom financially and structurally. So you want to create some kind of business infrastructure and success so that you can be a new mom. So it is. Yeah, that’s a huge, humongous, enormous, tremendous, why lease I would love to finish my book draft? Why? For many of us, we’ve lost disk and and feel free to share in there. Make 87k From my business coaching consulting in 2024. Why lease referring to another class before drivers that she wants to influence? Well, so it is Irene, I want to use the qualification to start a business. Awesome. Now, what you want to see is that as you articulate the wise, some of them you can feel are still in your brain, they’re still in your head, you can’t really feel anything. And as you start to get deeper into the why that’s where you can really feel it. And that when we talked about clarity, action and discipline, that’s the clarity you want to be coming back to. And that’s the clarity that people don’t come back to they get lost in the weeds in the details of the goal at hand. But it’s disconnected either it never was connected to the why or it’s so gone off track due to lack, of course, correcting that it’s in a way become meaningless. And so when it’s meaningless, it’s not very compelling to put energy into it. Even if it’s like, oh, I said I wanted to do that. Well, so huge mistake, if you can’t connect your goal, your resolution to your why whether or not you believe this in a dharmic way, there’s an excellent chance it will fail. Now, a little practical. And I read mentioned this earlier, goals that are too big, make you give up now, what is too big mean there’s a lot of discussion in the world of psychology of how to, you know, goal setting and that one line, I’ve read a lot about it and I’ve experimented three line a lot about it. And I’ve worked on this with clients a lot. You have to feel it. If you don’t feel it if you’re just like oh I want a data dog but you cannot feel It all of the new thought thinkers in the early 20th century. Talk about you have to have the feeling of having the thing to get there. And if it’s something you actually don’t care about, or that makes you tremble in your boots, because it’s so huge, your nervous system is going to fight back. So if it’s too big for whatever reason, you actually feel like you can’t. It terrifies you and not in a good way. Unlikely, most likely, you will run away screaming. Now the opposite is true. If the goal is too small, like I want to brush my teeth, and have my pearly whites glisten, and you’re like, Well, it’s, you know, January 1, I’ve already completed my goal. Look at these glistening pearly whites. Well, that was not, it’s not exciting. People want to feel the progress of doing the thing. So it has to be compelling and has to be jazzing you, to compel you to stick with it, write a boring lover.

41:17
Unless there’s something compelling, you will leave. Because there’s just nothing there for you. A boring book, a boring landscape, if you don’t feel some kind of something that Jazz’s you, you’re going to leave it in search of something more exciting. Okay. So, you want to have this in mind, when you set your goals, not today, we’re just right now we’re just giving you the information to noodle on drown proofing and diminishing returns. Now, here’s another mistake that people make. They did, they used to have this awful, terrible, literally murderous prep process in the Navy SEALs, where they would bind the Navy SEALs. And see what happened to them, they would throw them in the water, they were totally bound. And they their legs and arms, they couldn’t swim, and they would see what happened. And unfortunately, some people actually died. What they found with the diminishing return is the the idea is that the more you fight, in many cases actually leads to your demise. So fighting for it, really fighting hard for it. Now, it doesn’t mean you don’t want to. And again, these things are all there’s a fine line. But the more that people fought and fought, they ran out of oxygen, and they couldn’t, it couldn’t do it. So if it’s causing an enormous fight within yourself, it’s too big, and you’re right freaking out and fighting against it in some way. Again, it’s not going to work. Now, it doesn’t mean that you just, you know, get in the meditative position and sing Kumbaya, and it’s going to work. It’s not that the opposite is true. But it’s that when the energy is so incredibly massive, there’s a good chance that it’s not going to work, or it may work for a period of time, but it won’t be sustainable. And that’s what we’re here to create are things that actually come to fruition that align with your nervous system and are sustainable, that put you into a creative state of mind that make you excited to continue and make it possible for the results to happen so that you continue. Oops. Now many people perceive a failure as something that they did wrong as something that is wrong with them. And put a yes or a me or Oh yeah, in the chat if you’ve ever had a failure and allowed it to convince you that something was wrong with you that you are not good enough. That other people bla bla bla right. This is normal. This is normal. Yes, yes. Yes. Oh, yes. Yep. Clearly, yes, I love it. We all have, because the way things are structured are like, Well, if you do a b and c, it will work and if you don’t, something is wrong with you. There’s a lot of that rhetoric actually subconsciously or even overtly in the world, and especially people from less powerful groups, more marginalized groups who aren’t in a place of power, historically, financially, etc. tend to take this on a lot more. So here’s one to slough off like the dog were sloughing off that if it failed, it means that you suck or that something is wrong with you. Now, it may be that you didn’t follow through, right? You didn’t have the perseverance. But then it’s that you didn’t have the perseverance. It’s not that it failed. And if the failure is that you didn’t have the perseverance, well, the good news is you get to do something differently, differently next time. The failure is very clear of what it was but you don’t get to let it mean that something is wrong with you. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda, I am so guilty of this one. That I must talk about it. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda a. This can be the death of people. All of the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda, us. And the truth is, regret does not get you anywhere. One of my lifelong commitments, is to, I’ve gotten rid of shame, and I’m working on no oxygen for Regret. Regret will take you down, it’s very close to shame. It finds the choices that you made wrong. And when you find yourself wrong, that is a massive blow to your self esteem. And it makes it very hard to be in a motivated, positive energetic problem solving kind of state of mind. It makes you want to lie down Ukraine to the pillow. So Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. When you make your resolution this year, when you set your goal, you’re not thinking about Oh, finally, I’m going to do the thing and this still sarcastic cutting yourself at the knees. You’re going to think about it what do I want from here? Neutral and you’re not going to go into a place of Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda it because the truth is, you can use the things that haven’t happened to fuel you to move forward now. But stewing in them, is not going to fuel you for success. So we’re gonna get out of the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda if you’re in Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda, you’ll probably fail.

47:50
Many of us have, basically a swamp, a muddy, thick place inside ourselves, whether it’s Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda, whether it’s perceiving ourselves a failure, even if it’s lack of clarity that we’ve never sat down to articulate. What is the thing I actually want, I always think, Oh, if only this, but I never really finished the sentence. Lack of clarity is also a swamp, you can’t build a strong infrastructure on a swamp. And when I said earlier, that the y is kind of a ready made infrastructure, it gives you ideas, it it opens your mind to oh, let me finish that. And then I’m going to do this. Oh, I know what because it’s coming included from emotion. It’s coming from deep inside you. So if you’re covered with the mud of the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda of the self judgment, of the lack of clarity, very hard to set yourself up to win with a resolution that you’ll actually achieve it so do men or hyper groups tend to have less shame, regret, well, I can’t speak about all men, obviously. But typically things emotions like shame, regret, regret less than tend to be from people who are not empowered. People who are in power are relatively shameless. Not you know, 100% down to the bone, but experience fewer feelings of things that hold them back. And shame and guilt are starting to be measured in the brain and what that do what that what those emotions do to people. And they are much more powerful. In typically women and other genders who are not in power as well as marginalized groups. The concept of someone saying, I got this data. Sure there’s examples of people from all walks Some life where they’ve been able to supersede the average. But typically, why have you know, in history, the same kinds of people been in power? Well, that’s been perpetuated, that they have the power, so they have the power, and the things that people do and do not have become internalized and repeated through the generations. So we’re here to do things differently. We’re here to slough off shame and regret and inadequacy, and self doubt, and not charging and not having boundaries, and all the things. That all being said, a lack of realism can ruin things. If you’re not actually realistic with what you have to do and how long it’s going to take. You are also setting yourself up for failure. So one of the reasons in New Year’s resolutions, excuse me in productivity lab, I teach in my productivity, philosophy Joumor, a way to do your to do list that sets you up for reality. And in the beginning, when people start learning it, they always tried to eff with it. They always tried to put 16 items into today. And they’re like, Well, I mean, these are just small things. It doesn’t work. If you’re not realistic with who and how you are right now. You’re setting yourself up for failure, even if you so very much want to be someone else. You want to be someone who has shameless power. If you don’t deal with the swamp of the internalized feelings of lack of power, and massive regret, and all of those things. It’s not going to set you up for success. So deciding that I want to become a person who that’s great. But if you’re not there yet, we have to be realistic. And what that means you can be audacious, but we have to be realistic of who and how you are. Now, if you’re familiar with my work, I always talk about the fastest way to become different is to accept yourself how you are right now is to accept the 271 items on your to do list. If you don’t admit them or accept them. It’s just Zeigarnik effect all over again. So admit them, accept them, look it in the face. And now let’s do something about it. So we’re going to begin Joumor principle to remove what doesn’t belong. Otherwise known in Joumor as empty the drain board. Okay, we’re going to begin by clearing the slate of the swamp so that you can build an infrastructure here so that it’s dry and strong and safe to actually build from here. Okay, so you’re gonna grab a pen and paper and I’ve tried to get fancy here so hold on a second I’m going to see if I can do this without now I think I have to go on

53:42
actually, what did I just do one second

53:57
Well, all right. Tech things have never been my everything. Hold on. Let me see if I can do this. If not, we’ll do it in silence. You’re gonna grab your pen and paper. Oh, here it is. Okay, there we go. And now let me let me do a test here. Hold on

54:28
Can you hear the music? Yes or no? Oh, wait, I’m not sure your screen. You can hear it or no? Yeah. Okay. America. This is not my skill.

54:46
How’s that? You hear it? Very quiet. Right. This is as loud as it goes. Can you hear it now?

55:00
Oh, no. Well, we’ll just leave this as clearly setting I don’t have to edit. All right, well, that was my, that was my attempt. All right. So you’re gonna have, you’re gonna grab a pen and paper and I want you to write a list of people that hurt you. Whenever the list is from, okay, so the list can be from whenever, from this year, ideally, the fresher the person, the hurt, the better. However writing the list of people you feel that hurt you that, again, we don’t want to be in your head about this of people that have hurt you that you feel they hurt you, it doesn’t matter if they did or they didn’t put to you, it feels hurt, but you have to feel it. Let’s focus on the feeling. So maybe someone hurt you 15 years ago, but the truth is you got over it. Don’t write them down. Okay, you’re gonna write a list of people that you feel hurt you that it’s still flipping hurts. Okay, so I’m gonna give you a few minutes. To write this list. We’re gonna go over just a tiny bit. So of course, if you have to go, go right ahead, and you’ll have the recording later today. But I’m going to give you three minutes. And you want to make sure that it’s still hurts when you write their name down. You’re going to feel like a ding, like, yeah, that hurt. And it could be big things, small things. It really doesn’t matter. All right, so I’m going to give you three minutes. Here we go.

1:00:21
All right. So we’re going to pivot in these last five minutes. So like I said, if you have to pop off, go right ahead. And we’re going to do the whole pono pono. Wait, can I hold on a second? No, this is mistake, okay? The whole pono pono. This is a Hawaiian prayer that I learned about in 2015. It’s much older than that. But that’s when I became familiar with it. And I use it all the time with everything. Every situation, I do that because first and foremost, it comes my nervous system. And then secondly, ideally, you can actually find the forgiveness and the completion and sort of as This photo shows to break the chain of connection. So I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you. Now, if you’re not into doing this particular Hawaiian prayer, feel free to do whatever to find the forgiveness. Forgiveness is a magical, and this, again, has been studied a magical emotional rewire of your emotions of your neurotransmitters, when you have a tremendous amount of resentment and anger, creative problem solving, forget about it. Okay. Now, it’s not to say that people can actually have both, but to be to resonate in a state of that very unlikely. Okay, and these things take us down in ways that we aren’t necessarily always aware of. So this is one most basic but enormous element of the swamp where you cannot build a powerful infrastructure is hurt, and anger and resentment. And possibly could have would have should it. Okay, so I’m gonna give us five minutes. And here’s a little hack that I have found to be the most powerful for doing the hope on a pono. At the top of the page, where you wrote your list, you’re going to write your own name. And what I find is that I do it. Always beginning with myself, I say layup. I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you. And I say that over and over and over again, until I take a breath in voluntarily I feel a breath calm, and that’s when I know I check in emotionally. I’m like, is there anything else right now? No, I don’t feel it. And that’s when I move on to the next person. So you may need five minutes you may need 20 days, but we’re going to start here with five minutes. Start with yourself. Say it over and over again, until you feel ready to move on. You may or may not have that breath, but until you feel ready to move on to the next person. So we’ll have five minutes. And then I’ll share quickly about class starting tomorrow just in case you’re in the mood and we will conclude for today. Here we go. Hope pono pono

1:09:01
All right, so before you go, love to hear how you are feeling. This is the foundation upon which we’ve got all of the science and the knowledge and we’re also going to handle our own psyches to be able to create something that really works we’re going to include all of the parts so how are you feeling I’m gonna quickly share with you about a class starting tomorrow in case you don’t have that information but I would love to hear and Laura is feeling at peace that’s awesome softer and grateful friend beautiful long way to go Edina awesome you, you know it needed to do variations If I love you for some time, yeah, this is you know everything I think of everything as a plate as a template. J spacious I love that I read last part was emotional could do all on my list by but my lips sealed shut on one person. totally hear you. I’ve had that with people where I just, like felt like I was gonna puke when I tried to do them. And even when I would say their name, I couldn’t go further. And yeah, it shows you that in five minutes, you can tap in pretty deeply to two things. So your only homework, I’ve got you on the goal setting. Your only homework is to hope on a pono. And to clear the swamp in this regard, as much as you can to create a foundation that is strong and powerful and safe to build on. Tina, powerfully aware of an energy block and it’s around accepting who I am now and forgiveness. Amazing. So this is huge this is this is what creates resolutions that get results. And it’s take to because we’re not doing it from our heads, we’re not doing it only from a list. We’re doing it to include who and how we are right now. So I am so grateful that you are all here today with me and participating in this magic. And I want to share if you don’t have that information just because some of you are here and we’re meeting for the first time that tomorrow begins it wasn’t it all kind of fell into place this way. But tomorrow begins a another class right at the same price point as this one for now. The organized AF inbox club to three month membership, this is included for for productivity lab members. So don’t do anything if your productivity lead member you’re already in. But this is a three month membership currently at $99. And it includes three live sessions to help you with your emails, which I don’t believe that everything that how we do one thing is how we do everything. But I do believe the better we do things, the more it helps us. So this is three months, you have one session per month. The first one is with me, your dad, my tech master and myself tomorrow. And then there’s one per month you have three months in the Facebook group. And you get the space which includes a mini course of how to do the the to do list that I shared about and 12 live silent accountability sessions with my dad. So you can check out the information on there. If you have any questions about it, you can always email us at Hello at CEO rise.com. And I look forward to seeing all of you live in two days who are able to make it if not, we’ll see you on the replay. We’re meeting in two days and then we’re meeting in four days. So thank you for being here. Go forth. Hope pono pono as much as you possibly can. And I look forward to seeing you very soon. Bye everyone.