“Man is free only when he is able to realize and accept his limitations.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
One of my Clarity, Action & Discipline students began shaking her head during class the other day. (We’re all on video in little boxes on the screen like the Brady Bunch).
“I know you said there’s always an I don’t know pile,” she said, “but I just tend to ignore it because I know I still don’t know.” (She had begun her “I don’t know pile” when we worked 1-1 in April).
“Then you still don’t know. Anything else would be bullsh*t. If you want to bullsh*t yourself, then clog up all your present, active stuff with the compulsion of needing to put everything away. But if you want to get really real, and you want to find the answers to the “I don’t know,” clean up everything else. Keep adding to the “I don’t know. You’ll start to see categories, get ideas, and take action on that stuff naturally,” I said.
“So you’re saying, let it get bigger,” she said.
“Let it get huge! Because forcing yourself to put it away when you don’t know is how you got to this cluttered place in the first place,” I said.
Perhaps resigned, she also was clearer and more willing to move forward.
Pretending you know something you don’t, even to yourself, is complete b%$#@#$!! And remember, clutter attracts clutter. Pretending is a form of clutter, and it will only need to be decluttered later.
Believe me, I share the discomfort in the unknown. I WISH life were like a book and, like Harry in the movie When Harry Met Sally, I could jump to the end and see what was going to happen. But life isn’t like that. Yes, our minds don’t like open, unfinished tasks, and we’ll keep going back to them like a tongue to a newly missing tooth. Forcing is always an uncomfortable energy drain, and it doesn’t work anyway, yet it takes tremendous discipline to accept you don’t know, and turn your focus to what you do.
Allowing not forcing: We can try our best to control everything and we’ll still never succeed. There will always be things we don’t know or understand, and maybe we never will. The closest we can come to “knowing” is, ironically, to admit that we don’t know. And to put it to the side while we focus on the things we do know, that we can do. This strengthens us, gives us clarity, distracts us from the discomfort, and makes it possible to find or receive the answers to what we don’t know, naturally.
Remember, start with the easiest thing first, and keep going. Life is hard enough.